Dear Friends

Dear Friends

My group leader thinks the hook is set, and I can now tell you a wonderful secret.

Tired of religions that ask you to alter your behavior?  That tell you how to vote, who to bonk, have long shalt, shalt not lists. That bicker about the obscure differences between total immersion and water boarding?   God, herself, settled all of these important issues, on January 18th, 1968  at 2:37 p.m., mountain standard time.

THAT HAS NOW BEEN REVEALED.

It is time to share with you, the deep joy and relief of surrendering reason to belief.  Turn pointless pondering into mystic masturbation.  Submit to the Divine Miasma, and experience the inner beauty and un-furrowed peace, that we like to think of as a spiritual Botox treatment.

On January 29th of the year 2009, a blinding hot flash enveloped my next door neighbor.  As she was toweling dry she realized that more than wet sheets had been left behind.  The church of OUR TRUTH IS BIGGER THAN YOURS IS, had been born.

Since that moment of revelation, our membership role has doubled and we both agree that that we have outgrown the rusting model T out in the yard.  Ground has been broken for our new and mighty Cathemple.  We have scratched the outline of the original Big Bang, one micro millisecond after the creation of the current universe, in the dirt with a stick.  This empty beer can and mortar edifice will begin rising when we get the spring thaw.

Unlike other religions we do not ask for money.

But, WE NEED YOUR HELP!
Send beer.

We should also be able to raise further revenue with our roadside rattle snake petting zoo.

But wait…  Anyone who responds to this offer before the end of the world qualifies for our bonus, E-dulgence program.  Have your cake and eat it too.  This  IS a limited time offer.

Remember, this is the only religion actually endorsed by God in writing.  Photocopies on request.

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14 Responses to Dear Friends

  1. Mel Avender says:

    Bear. Thanks, but I gave at the orifice.

  2. Barbara says:

    Beer will be forthcuming soon…. 😉 Now I myself will be bringing along a bottle of wine and chocolate. For a new religion, one must not be completely barbaric as not to include wine and chocolate. LOL

  3. Little Sun says:

    Hey, I already brought you beer. Not just beer, but Good beer. And I don’t even drink the stuff.

    N-o–w, you’re telling me that if I’d brought it Later I’d have learned the divine secrets of the universe?

    (Barbara is correct about the wine and chocolate.)

  4. sending beer! you send photocopy.! 🙂

    • osolynden says:

      I’m making them as fast as I can…. 😉 There will be a delay. Spilled beer on the first batch. Pinch Cary for me. Hope the holiday is not too hectic for you guys.

  5. Spiritual botox = brilliant. Didn’t Ronald Reagan live long enough to star in a post-presidency redux called, “Botox For Bonzo”? Can’t remember. Let’s ask Nancy.

    If I ever visit, I will definitely bring beer for both of us. And maybe Dame to visit with Bear. I think I saw an invite a week ago, but can’t remember if it was from you or someone else. My driving break was only a quickie, so I didn’t read it entirely.

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