The Greying

The Greying

This is a dark, gothic, dank narrative.   Mildew, and dementia roil under these words.   This tale will chill your heart, and frost your cockles with antipathy.  It may turn your hair grey.

UNLESS IT ALREADY IS;  Three and a half years ago Grandpa got his first computer-ma-jiggie and grimly determined, by golly and dad-gum-it he was going to learn how to order new cane tips without  postage stamps or phone.  He was going modern.

I wear now wear UPS ragged dropping off used books from Amazon or delivering meds from Canada where they feed greedy drug company CEO’s to the Coliseum lions.

I come from a long line of preachers and patent medicine salesmen.  I have the gift of persuasion.  When I blog
Patriot Militias put down their guns and start baking quiche.     Animal shelters are cleaned right out of adoptees.  Economic Libertarians decide to compromise their Utopian fantasy and let me keep public schools open.  Skribbler promises to learn to spell sandwich.

Yes, I am just that powerful.

As I have spread the word, my converts have spread the word and a veritable Lemming swarm of seniors have walkered to the edge of the internet cliff and flung themselves over.    We are the pig in the python and we are taking our interbebz back.  We are a movement oozing across the land like red eye gravy without enough flour.

Seniors have face their inner goatse and drunk from the one cup those two girls used.  We have been there and done that.  We have googled our fingers raw understanding LOL and ROLF and tl;dr.  We see your hand and raise you:

SIFT:  stairs involved forget that
GOML:  get offa my lawn
DAI: denture adhesive inadequate
HIFCGU:  guess I dare ya

How bout them kumquats?

Some of my internet pals are merely in their 50’s.  I count them too.   With my cheerful outlook that is closer to death than diapers.  Well, that first go round with diapers anyway.

When I first webbed up, rumor had it that it many netizens were young.  Yahoo Answers seemed to confirm this.  I quickly learned it was the place to go for an “answer”  starting with “I don’t know but…”  It took time for me to realize that these were fake profiles by Grey Panthers seeking to make the young look like idiots.  Or mothers taking over their kid’s profile.  Or  the NBC staff of “To Catch a Predator”.

Oldsters have risen to the computer challenge and are GETTING DAMN GOOD AT IT .  Study the photo below.  You will count more laptops than pudding cups in this Senior Center Lounge jaypeg.


Stephen Hawking is not the only one who can type with a soda straw.

In the words of (I’ll remember in a minute), “We have met the enemy and he is us”.

We are one carefully spun slogan away from putting the internet where it belongs.  In the hands of those who forget what they posted yesterday.


Help me out here.  What should the slogan be?

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13 Responses to The Greying

  1. Armand Jean du Plessis de Richelieu says:

    1. Thank you for using the appropriate version of Greying.
    2. I was inquisitive when I initially had the opportunity to purchase my first computer, wondering what in the name of all that’s Holy for what purpose do I need a computer? There was the library for anything unfound in my encyclopedias, my social circle seemed quite sufficient, and a bottom of the closet box held enough magazines and VHS tapes to whet any adult fantastical sojourns. Oh we, of small minds! There are more things in heaven and earth, Lynden, Than are dreamt of in my philosophy!
    3. I believe that was Pogo who was credited with the enemy quote.

    OMAB – Oh my aching back
    HAGBM – Had a good bowel movement
    TMEANH – Trimmed my ear and nose hair
    AAUA – Arthritis Acting Up Again
    BROMET – Broccoli Repeats On Me Every Time
    LFG – Looking For Glasses

  2. Barbara says:

    I am ROFLMFAOTTCCH!!!!! 😉 Guess all of that one! Bwhahahahah….
    BTW, the diapers during the second round: Just a reason to get a good lookin’ guy or gal to touch your ASS! And the constant ‘what, I can’t hear you’ just means that young girl shouldn’t have worn such a low cut shirt with her boobies hanging out of it!

    • osolynden says:

      I googled your texting acrinymonamosity and it just didn’t float? At least after the last “o”. Sigh. And you young girls get to wear whatever you want. But I am thinking I got you smiling and my work here is done.

  3. Barbara says:

    Or that good looking young man with the tight ass, yessss you know who I am talking about, well you can’t help that you keep dropping things convienently whenever he comes around. After all, his buff self is in much better shape to bend over and pick it up. And you know he wants you! That cane is very sexy after all.

    • osolynden says:

      People often admire (and even stroke) my cane B. I have had to grow used to that kind of adoration. I am sure they will adjust to the walker as well. Please send naked photos of this gent you have in mind for me? Just so I can be sure we are talking about the same person. Love ya!

  4. Barbara says:

    Okay, I am slightly buzzed and really enjoying this one. Just stop me when I become annoying. OKAY, I know I became annoying two comments ago…………….

  5. Mel Avender says:

    “What’s good for General Bullmoose is good for the country.”

  6. Robert C. Goble says:

    wonderful. Impressive for the Old people to come up with such computer language and skill. Like my mother always told me, trust the Old man with cane tips on his mind. (Never did understand that one, but it’s kept me safe) 🙂

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