This is a dark, gothic, dank narrative. Mildew, and dementia roil under these words. This tale will chill your heart, and frost your cockles with antipathy. It may turn your hair grey.
UNLESS IT ALREADY IS; Three and a half years ago Grandpa got his first computer-ma-jiggie and grimly determined, by golly and dad-gum-it he was going to learn how to order new cane tips without postage stamps or phone. He was going modern.
I wear now wear UPS ragged dropping off used books from Amazon or delivering meds from Canada where they feed greedy drug company CEO’s to the Coliseum lions.
I come from a long line of preachers and patent medicine salesmen. I have the gift of persuasion. When I blog
Patriot Militias put down their guns and start baking quiche. Animal shelters are cleaned right out of adoptees. Economic Libertarians decide to compromise their Utopian fantasy and let me keep public schools open. Skribbler promises to learn to spell sandwich.
Yes, I am just that powerful.
As I have spread the word, my converts have spread the word and a veritable Lemming swarm of seniors have walkered to the edge of the internet cliff and flung themselves over. We are the pig in the python and we are taking our interbebz back. We are a movement oozing across the land like red eye gravy without enough flour.
Seniors have face their inner goatse and drunk from the one cup those two girls used. We have been there and done that. We have googled our fingers raw understanding LOL and ROLF and tl;dr. We see your hand and raise you:
SIFT: stairs involved forget that
GOML: get offa my lawn
DAI: denture adhesive inadequate
HIFCGU: guess I dare ya
How bout them kumquats?
Some of my internet pals are merely in their 50’s. I count them too. With my cheerful outlook that is closer to death than diapers. Well, that first go round with diapers anyway.
When I first webbed up, rumor had it that it many netizens were young. Yahoo Answers seemed to confirm this. I quickly learned it was the place to go for an “answer” starting with “I don’t know but…” It took time for me to realize that these were fake profiles by Grey Panthers seeking to make the young look like idiots. Or mothers taking over their kid’s profile. Or the NBC staff of “To Catch a Predator”.
Oldsters have risen to the computer challenge and are GETTING DAMN GOOD AT IT . Study the photo below. You will count more laptops than pudding cups in this Senior Center Lounge jaypeg.
Stephen Hawking is not the only one who can type with a soda straw.
In the words of (I’ll remember in a minute), “We have met the enemy and he is us”.
We are one carefully spun slogan away from putting the internet where it belongs. In the hands of those who forget what they posted yesterday.
WE ARE WRINKLED, HEAR US SNORE
Help me out here. What should the slogan be?