Out to Get Me..

Trying to kill me….

I have tried to do good by the dogs. I feed them government cheese instead of eating it. I pet, ear scritch, see them (best I can) toward a gentle end.

What do I get in return?

I first noticed they had it in for me when Taco Zumas Revenge led me to drop trow, and spray a 20 foot field of Mexican brown across the wilderness. All three dogs rolled in it.

The vet explained they mask their odor by bathing in what they want to eat or kill, better to sneak up on prey. That perfume dab behind the ear…. This is how a Chihuahua takes down a lion. I can smell shit stained dogs coming, but apparently lions cannot.

It has to do with prey species and vegetarians. I tried to add more corn dogs to my diet. No Joy. These murderers follow me wherever I go. I am afraid to sleep.

When we walk mornings, all three dogs follow the close trail I have worn for them all these years. They often lead. Not an inch off the true and narrow. If the leader of the pack smells something and stops, we have a bumper car nose up butt, up butt, collision that screeches to a dead stop.

My body no longer has brakes. I veer when I can and fall when I must.

Sometimes they follow behind. They yelp if my cane goes in the same old unpredictable direction. They fire up with excitement and charge from behind and find it necessary to graze my leg in the middle of vast empty acreage.

They have it in for me.

I have pulled thorns, dressed wounds, nibbled shit soaked ears muttering I love you…

When we get home from the walk even the dogs too old to follow, congregate for the great cookie festival in my tiny house. The new ones jump against me like they didn’t see the Colossus of Rhodes fall… The rest just block whatever passage i may need to serve them. My boy waits quietly on the bed above them all. I say, I think I can. i think I can, I think I can… So far I manage.

The Little Bear knows because of his good manners and not ripping open my jugular in my sleep that he will be served first. There are dogs smarter than Texans.

I was going somewhere with this… I forget where. Just remember, they are out to get me.

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4 Responses to Out to Get Me..

  1. Barbara says:

    Lynden is this your first ever conspiracy theory blog?! 😉 Love you! 😀

  2. Little Sun says:

    Psst… It isn’t the canines who are out to get you–they are simply trying to help toughen you up so you can better defend yourself (and them) against the two-leggeds who ARE out to get you.

  3. Cary says:

    Most of them do, dear. ❤

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