The Biggest Balls in the World

I receive an enormous amount of spam advertising “male enhancement” products.  That makes me speculate men eagerly buy such products.

I am here to save you some cold hard cash.  Because I like you.

Do you remember that time you got an ingrown hair in the unsung recess of your plumbers smile? … and it turned into a giant zit?  You didn’t include that in your “Ten Things You Don’t Know About Me” list…. But we knew.

Today’s hint from Heloise is way more fun than that.

Any surgery below the belt has a little discussed side effect for men.

My first surgery was an appendix that ruptured.  For $54,000.00 dollars (no insurance) I bought a lottery ticket that entitled me to BUY THE FARM or 5 days of morphine, ice chips and a lifetime of debt as the door prize.

I settled for the door prize.  They thew in Jello for free.

The side effect (of abdominal surgery) is that for several days you will have Junk more impressive than you dreamed possible.  We are talking skin stretched tighter than a drum and shinier than a show room car.  You and your fans might want to wear sunglasses for the viewing.

The colors will leave you breathless.  I promise a two week sunset with iridescent bruised purple morphing into angry red with yellow borders and more.  Iris should be ashamed their colors are less throbbing.

Walk away from offers of Herbal quick fix, little blue pills or vacuum tubes.  Sooner or later the medical establishment will recommend taking a Braun hand blender to your abdomen.

I wanted to include a money back guarantee with this promotion.    My lawyer advised against it.  The price of an effective surgery is all over the map.  We all know in states where the average wage is $10.00 an hour, hospitals only charge half price.

Take a lot of pictures.  It could be your proudest moment.

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9 Responses to The Biggest Balls in the World

  1. Lady_Hart says:

    Yikes!!!!

    I don’t have a penis, but my balls are so big they put them on my chest. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to walk 😉

    I meant to mention several blogs back that I just love your tags.

    • osolynden says:

      A sensible arrangement. 😉

      Did you get your bricks in yet?

      • Lady_Hart says:

        OMG NO!! It ended up raining yesterday. I got the rest of the wood chips put in the beds beside my sidewalk before it started. Today I’ve bagged 5 loads of leaves, weeds and those damn sticky balls. Mostly from my deck and the beds by the deck. I dug up two hostas and planted two new ones. Dug up a sickly yucca. The ones I dug up are sitting on my front porch. I was going to start on the castle blocks today, BUT, I can’t find the crow bar to take out the old wood boxes. Then I looked for the chisel to split the blocks and I can’t find that either. My husband is in big trouble when he gets home !! I asked him for those things yesterday and he said they were in his workshop. ppppfffffftttttttt!!!

        I now own more sore muscles than I’ve ever had in my life. Somebody also needs to tell me why I have a sunburn in March??? It will be 80 here today and they forecast 84 for Sunday. Please, please, kill me now!

  2. Cary says:

    I had a gumboil once……………..hmmmmm. sorry Hon…….STILL love you.

  3. max says:

    It doesn’t sound like my idea of fun mate. My balls have been blue but never purple.

  4. Cary says:

    don’t know about the “real” pc………..hopefully soon, but we’ll be saving $$$$$$ till we reach our goal and that takes precedent…………at least till we get there anyway!!

  5. Mel Avender says:

    Phenomenon ain’t the word. More like …. well, there ain’t no word, just a bellow of disbelief. A prolonged and anguished primordial roar that shakes the walls and raises the roof with each and every viewing. I’m thinking of adding a second floor.

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